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  • Lessons in Love and Anxiety.

    By Kelly Carrington, GAWD

    Got the Date Frights?

    Love is in the air, isn’t it? Yes, Saint Valentine is firing his bows of match-making warm and fuzzies all over the place. But what if anxiety threatens to stick its stake in all matters of the heart?

    Whether you’re settled or single, anxiety is an inevitable part of being human. While we can manage its intensity, we often can’t completely extinguish the flames. Instead of fighting or fearing anxiety, it’s a case of ‘better the devil you know…’, and learn how to live with it.

    That’s not to say we’re going to take it lying down and let it control us. Rather we are going to look after the number one person in your life, you! Show some compassion. Try to understand anxiety and how we experience it. We might end up with a healthier relationship with the nuts and bolts on the inside. Then we can tackle the stuff on the outside.

    Teenie bit of Dating Anxiety Science: How and Why we Make Connections.

    Seeking connections and the anxiety around this, is essentially what our brains are hardwired to do. Evolutionists believe that early humans craved social interactions and connections. The need to form alliances, increase pack numbers, and enjoy others’ company. It was for survival, though more than this, it supported mental health, wellbeing and the motivation to advance. Our emotion controller in the brain, the limbic system, is constantly assessing risk and reward in terms of social interactions.

    When dating, the brain releases chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin, each playing a role in how we feel and behave around others. Dopamine fuels the butterflies’ feeling of a new connection. While the hormones oxytocin and serotonin work by helping you bond with someone, deepening our connection and regulating emotions. But our good old friend cortisol, the stress hormone, can stick its beak in when we feel anxious about rejection, leading to a sense of fear and massive discomfort.

    Anxiety, Single or Attached: The Inner Struggle

    This discomfort for those who are single, the fear of not finding someone, is often not helped by the constant anxiety of being ‘left on the shelf.’ Societal pressures and comparisons to norms, could leave you feeling inadequate and stressed.

    Dating is like a real time game of life, how many points will I get for bagging this one… Can I keep hold of them? Success is often measured by being paired with someone. This is where the fear of rejection kicks in. On one hand we’re told to “make connections, it’s essential for your social survival.” But then we might not find ‘the one’, certainly not within a timeframe society has set for us. This leads to a fear of disconnection, the brain kicks in, sess this as a threat to our body. We go into fight or flight, cortisol rises, essentially we pull down our dating shutters.

    It is only when we understand that connection is both internal and external, we can change the narrative. With my psychology hat on, we seek approval and acceptance, not just from potential partners, but from ourselves. It’s easy to fall into the trap of attaching our self-worth to what others think about us. The science says that self-esteem is better managed once we work on accepting and validating who we are and where we are right now. An understanding that our value doesn’t depend solely on being in a relationship.

    For those who are attached, anxiety may stem from fears of vulnerability, commitment, or not being “enough.” In relationships, the brain still releases dopamine during the “honeymoon phase,” but it can quickly shift to anxiety if there’s a breakdown in communication or unmet needs. A lot of this anxiety stems from not feeling heard or understood, or the fear of rejection by someone we’ve become emotionally invested in. We may even project insecurities from past relationships, creating unnecessary tension.

    I Love Myself! I’m Trying to…

    It’s not easy to love ourselves and show self-compassion. Our culture, in my opinion, frowns upon self-love. That said, I’m mindful that I could sound like an affirmation meme with these tips for learning to love yourself. I’ll try to keep out the mush so that I might protect our sensibilities.

    Steps Toward Calm: Internal Focus

    1. Self-Awareness: Begin by understanding your own emotional triggers. Taking time to journal or reflect on these feelings helps create a roadmap for addressing them.
    2. Self-Compassion: The fear of not being good enough often comes from a lack of self-compassion. It’s easy to be harsh on ourselves. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love, regardless of whether you’re single or dating.
    3. Mindfulness Practices: Anxiety thrives in the future and the past, but mindfulness pulls you into the present moment. Meditation, breathing exercises, or even simple grounding techniques help reduce cortisol levels and reset your nervous system.
    4. Detach From the Outcome: This is easier said than done. The more we fixate on finding “the one” or making a current relationship work, the more anxiety builds. If we can learn to enjoy the journey—meeting new people, discovering more about ourselves, and growing from experiences—we reduce the pressure.

    Reaching Outward: Shifting the Focus to Connection

    Once we begin to connect with ourselves and reduce the internal anxiety, we can approach dating or relationships from a more grounded place. Instead of focusing on external pressures like being left on the shelf-timelines, we can focus on building authentic connections.

    Relationships are like a mirror, a chance to reflect on our own growth, fears, and desires. The key is to approach it with a sense of curiosity and openness. When you are ready.

    My Swan Song of Love to You: The Magic of Self-Compassion and Loving Yourself

    Whether you’re single, dating, or in a relationship, anxiety is a natural part of the journey. There’s a magic that begins with self-compassion, which unlocks true connections, with yourself or with another. Treat yourself the way you would a new love or connection. Embrace your own imperfections and love who you are right now.

    When you can love yourself fully—anxiety, warts n’ all—you create the space for others to love you in return. Stop trying to prove your worth and start living your worth. Now go out and get yourself a date night meal deal. You’re worth it…

    References

    1. Calm – The science of love & the hormones that help you fall in love
    https://www.calm.com/blog/science-of-love
    1. Psychology Today – 4 Theories on Why We Fall in Love
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/dating-toxic-or-tender/202208/4-theories-on-why-we-fall-in-love
    1. Love Patterns: The Brain’s Role In Our Relationships
    https://www.evolveinnature.com/blog/2021/4/20/love-patterns-the-brains-role-in-our-relationships
    1. The Role of Self-compassion in Romantic Relationships

    Neff, K. D., & Beretvas, S. N. (2012). The Role of Self-compassion in Romantic Relationships. Self and Identity, 12(1), 78–98. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298868.2011.639548

    (https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15298868.2011.639548

  • Learning to Drive with Anxiety

     By Amy Moore, Content Team Contributor

    When I turned seventeen, all anyone would ask me about was if I would start my driving lessons soon. My entire family was so excited for me, but I just remember being swamped with nerves. My friends spent their teenage years constantly talking about what they’d do and where they’d go once they were able to drive. They spoke of road trips across the country and evening trips to the beach for fish and chips, and yet there was no part of me that felt the same excitement. I would play along and pretend as though it was something that I dreamt of, too, when in fact, it was just another change in my life that I was dreading.

     I knew that I was in a privileged position where I had the opportunity to start learning to drive almost immediately after my seventeenth birthday, and yet I just felt so anxious about the whole situation. I feared all kinds of things. I thought that I’d have a panic attack behind the wheel and wouldn’t be able to pull over. I thought that the roundabouts were just impossible to navigate and that I’d annoy all the other drivers because I wouldn’t ever be able to pull out of a junction. I simply thought that I’d never be able to drive. I thought there were too many factors against me.

     However, what I realised soon enough, was that actually the biggest thing holding me back was being unable to trust myself. It took me months of weekly driving lessons, but eventually, I seemed to come to the understanding that unless I fully trusted myself in the driver’s seat, I would never even get through the driving test, let alone be able to gain the freedom that all my friends had wished for.

    Anxiety is very good at making us doubt ourselves. It’s like a constant mantra of ‘what if you can’t do this’, ‘what if this really bad thing happens’, and ‘what if everything goes wrong and it’s your fault’. And when we tell ourselves about these things over and over again, our brains seem to tell us that because it’s so ingrained, then they must be true. The very idea of opposing the thought seems so impossible that it feels unthinkable to even try.

     After nearly a year of driving lessons, I took my driving test. And for months beforehand, all those thoughts had been going around and around in my head. I had convinced myself that there was no way I could pass, even though my driving instructor seemed positive that I could do it, and my parents knew I was a good driver, their words just faded to nothing. I was so fuelled by anxiety that in the days leading up to my test, I made stupid mistakes in my last few driving lessons that knocked my confidence, and I felt so ill from nerves in the days beforehand that it seemed as though there was no chance of me even getting to the test centre, let alone actually attempting the test. But somehow, I managed to get in the car, and I got to the test centre.

     It was only in those last few moments before I drove off for what could have been the worst forty minutes of driving I had ever done, that I just vividly remember thinking to myself that I was in complete control of this situation. Learning to drive is so difficult because you’re pushed into the driver’s seat knowing practically nothing, and then it’s like you’re thrown into the deep end, onto roads with other drivers. But what you have to realise is that you are in complete control of the situation, and you have to have faith in your own abilities. You have to challenge the constant cycle of anxious thoughts, otherwise everything seems impossible.

     I managed to pass my driving test, and now I have the freedom to go wherever I want whenever I want, which has helped me immensely with managing my anxiety. It has taught me that to achieve things, I have to change my mindset. There is no use in doubting yourself all the time; all you need is the smallest spark of strength to confront anxiety. You have to challenge every ‘what if you can’t do this’ with the simple thought of, ‘but what if I can?’.

  • Don’t Fight The Feeling—How Facing Anxiety Helps Me Handle It.

    By Melissa Fleur Afshar, Content Team Contributor

    We’re often encouraged to hide away our fears and anxious feelings, putting on happy faces no matter what instead. Sometimes, it can seem easier to cope that way. You don’t need me to tell you that anxiety, panic and racing thoughts are extremely uncomfortable and distressing. The intense physical symptoms that I would suffer from were enough to lead me to believe I was having a heart attack. But what if embracing that anxiety could actually help us feel better? I’ve found that facing anxiety head-on can not only ease those tense moments but also pave the way for healing.

    I’m a journalist, and my job can be as stressful as it is exciting. Couple that with my busy personal life and the demands of adulthood we all face, and I often feel stressed, anxious or overwhelmed. Sadly, these intense pressures have led to me facing some pretty tough times.

    My first instinct, whenever I felt anxious, used to be to run away—sometimes literally as I was often in a state of fight or flight—but I’ve learned that actually turning to face those feelings, instead of relying on other people or external factors to help distract and reassure me, is where healing can start.

    This approach to anxiety isn’t a quick fix; it’s more about uncovering and understanding our emotions, which has helped me learn how to manage them more effectively over time. And it certainly doesn’t mean that I don’t talk to my friends and family about how I feel, or that others shouldn’t find comfort in the empathy of others. I mean that by sitting with my anxiety, recognizing its presence, and applying various techniques, I can reassure myself that I’m safe and take back control from those overwhelming thoughts and feelings all on my own.

    Facing Anxiety

    When anxiety kicks in, it’s like our bodies’ alarm systems are going off, warning us of danger, either physically or emotionally. But what if we could change the message those alarms are trying to send? Through a lot of practice and patience, I’ve started to see these anxious feelings not as doom and gloom but as an overly cautious friend who simply means well. In a nutshell, that’s why we experience stress: Because our body thinks it will help keep us safe. This change in perspective starts with just being with the anxiety, not fighting it but understanding its intentions.

    Once I figured this out, I’d tell myself in moments of panic: “You are safe, everything is okay.” This doesn’t make the anxiety vanish, but it helps smooth out its rough edges, making it a bit more manageable and a whole lot less scary. After all, while the waves of anxiety and panic can be incredibly scary, they are normal human reactions to things we have perceived as being stressful or threatening. Reaffirming that what I am experiencing is normal, tones that alarm bell down a few notches. This can then open the door for me to use coping strategies that actually work and are easy to practice.

    I rely a lot on methods like Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) tapping, deep breathing exercises, and meditation. Each of these helps bring me back to the present moment, dissolving immediate fears and slowing my racing thoughts. I also find that physical activities like walking, dancing, or losing myself in a good book once I’ve started to feel a bit more grounded not only distract but also reconnect me with my body, reinforcing a sense of safety within.

    These methods aren’t magic, and some days are certainly harder than others. But each time I manage to find a moment of peace by handling anxiety head-on, I’m building up my resilience and trust in myself. By leaning into feelings of anxiety instead of shunning it, I’m slowly taking away its power to unsettle me. Instead, I try to listen to my body and understand what those feelings are telling me. For me, that often translated into “something bad might happen,” or “you are not safe.”

    Once I’ve been able to calm down a bit by regulating my nervous system, I can then continue to tell affirm that I am safe, even with those stressful thoughts and anxious feelings.

    Taking on anxiety is definitely a challenge—it’s not for the faint of heart. But it’s worth it for the deeper connection I’ve forged with myself and for the arsenal of tools I’ve gathered to not just handle anxiety but to enjoy my life and career despite it.

    I’ve come to realise that for me, thriving in the face of anxiety isn’t about fighting it; it’s about understanding and embracing parts of myself and thoughts that I once feared, turning an old enemy into a trusted guide towards emotional balance.

  • Imposter Syndrome at University: What Is It and How to Manage It?  

    By Megan Pocock, Content Team Contributor

    For many university students, the excitement of starting a new chapter is often shadowed by an unsettling question: Am I in the right place? I certainly felt this way when I first started. New environments, social demands, and academic pressures can leave you questioning whether you belong or deserve to be here at all. If you’ve ever felt out of place, anxious and unsure in your university experience, you’re not alone.  

    Recognising Imposter Syndrome  

    Imposter syndrome is that sneaky, inner voice that tells you you’re not good enough. It thrives on comparison, unrealistic expectations, and fear of failure, often whispering things like: “I don’t belong here,” “I only got in by luck,” or “Everyone else is doing better than me.” This self-doubt creeps in particularly during major life transitions, like university, and can feel overwhelming.  

    A common misconception about imposter syndrome at university is that it only occupies your first year anxieties. This isn’t true, the doom and gloom can be felt throughout your academic journey. As someone in the midst of my second year, I can openly admit I still feel these doubts regularly—but I’ve also picked up a few strategies to help me overcome them.  

    It’s important to recognise imposter syndrome for what it is: an emotional response, not a reality. Feeling like you’re not good enough doesn’t mean it’s true. Often, these thoughts are triggered by stepping out of your comfort zone, which is exactly what university is all about.  

    Strategies for Managing Imposter Syndrome

    1. Reconnect with Your Why

    When doubts creep in, remind yourself why you chose your university in the first place. Was it the course content, the campus, or the chance to grow personally and academically? Revisiting those reasons can help ground you when you feel out of place.  

    2. Stop the Comparison Game

     It goes without saying that this is much easier said than done. But It’s easy to look around and think everyone else has it together. Whether it’s social media or surface impressions, they rarely show the full picture. Everyone has their own struggles—they’re just not as visible as your own.  

    3. Celebrate Small Wins

     Imposter syndrome often comes from focusing on what you haven’t achieved. Flip the narrative by celebrating the small victories: finishing a reading, contributing to a seminar, or making it to a social event. These little wins add up and can truly change your mind set on what you can go on to achieve.  

    4. Talk About It  

    You’d be surprised how many of your peers feel the same way but are afraid to admit it. The best thing I did at the start of the academic year was open up to my tutor about how I was feeling this immense pressure and anxiety to match others. Opening up to friends or even a student support service can make you feel less alone and help you see your experience in a different light. Imposter syndrome can take such an emotional toll on your self-belief and it’s not something you need to tackle alone.

    5. Fake It ‘til You Make It (Within Reason)

     I have always been sceptical of this advice as I felt it meant I needed to pretend to be someone I’m not. But sometimes acting like you belong can help you feel like you do. Confidence isn’t built overnight unfortunately but embracing this will help you practise self-assurance until it eventually becomes natural.

     One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned is that discomfort is often a sign of growth. It’s easy to mistake the unfamiliar for failure, but university is a time for exploring who you are and where you’re going. You’re not supposed to have it all figured out from day one or even year two like me. I am still uncertain on where I want to take my career aspirations beyond university and that’s more than ok.

    Some days will be harder than others but trusting the process and staying open to change is key. Whether that means switching courses, joining new societies, or just giving yourself permission to rest, every step you take is part of your journey. If you’re struggling with imposter syndrome, I want you to know that you are not alone, you are not a fraud, and you absolutely deserve your place at university.

  • Year 2 of the Content Team

    By Wayne Senior, Content Team Co-ordinator.

    There has been a lot of change at No Panic this year. In the Content Team, our two previous editors Millie and Daniel left to pursue their careers, so we got a couple of new editors, Aimee and Ben. In No Panic, I became Chair. Keeping the Content Team going was initially a challenge, but things have settled down. We even managed to keep the Content Team going when we had serious website problems. That was a stressful time. Here I highlight some of the articles we published in 2024.

    I’m going to begin at the beginning of the year not to be chronological, but because I don’t think we will publish similar articles at the beginning of 2025. One of our young contributors Lila Saw offered her tips on making progress with anxiety. Try these at the start of 2025.

    Many of our contributors are students. Some write academic articles while on placement with us. Mohammed Adil Sethi wrote several articles for us. I highlight his article on Selective Mutism. This is an anxiety condition, but not one that comes up often in No Panic. Conner Keys wrote a few articles. This one is useful for those who struggle to stay away from social media, in case they miss out on something.

    Staying with social themes, Chaima was one of our young contributors. She wrote about the fear of social rejection. No Panic is happy to support the No Phones At Home campaign, which aims to get people spending less time on their phones and more time doing things together. Their founder Charlotte Armitage wrote about how you can reduce your stress levels by digitally detoxing.

    This year’s theme for Mental Health Awareness Day was movement. At No Panic, we encourage people to go for 10-minute walks. Our Patron Ruth Cooper-Dickson wrote an article on the theme of movement. Meanwhile our contributor Hannah Parton wrote about a specific kind of moment, when she shared her experience of moving house.

    We support several people who have anxiety and autism, so I was delighted when Kay Inglis agreed to write about anxiety and autism.

    We like to publish articles by authors of anxiety books. In return, they publicise the articles they have written for us, increasing awareness of the support offered to people who have anxiety by No Panic. Joshua Fletcher is a popular author with our members, so we were pleased to be able to publicise his book, “And How Does That Make You Feel?” Eleanor Segall wrote an article about her book “Arabella and the Worry Cloud”.

    Summer is a time people go on holiday. Some people have a fear of flying. Our contributor Amy had some tips for them. Paris had advice on managing anxiety over the Summer in general.

    Most people find funerals difficult, but they are even more difficult when you have anxiety. All those people packed together. One of our contributors wrote about her experience of funerals, and shared advice on dealing with bereavement when you have anxiety.

    So in year 2, we have covered a lot of different aspects of life, from funerals to holidays. What will we add in 2025? If you have something to add, why not become a contributor?

  • Feeling a little off this Winter? Tips for Overcoming the Winter Blues.

    By Julitta Lee, Content Team contributor.

    Feeling irritable? Unmotivated? Less social or active? Having trouble concentrating? Sleeping or eating more than usual? Or have been feeling a persisting, low mood? If these symptoms resonate with you, you may be experiencing Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), a seasonal type of depression also known as the “winter blues.”

    As we’re deep into the winter season it’s completely understandable to feel unlike your usual self. Though, it’s worth paying attention if you feel that it has started to significantly disrupt how you think, feel, or behave. According to Healthwatch, around 5% of people in the UK are diagnosed with SAD.

    The good news? There are steps you can take to ease the symptoms. Here are 6 practical tips to help keep you feeling more like yourself this winter:

    Eat and Drink Well

    What you eat hugely plays into your physical and mental state. Sioned Quirke, Head of Nutrition and Dietetics at Swansea Bay Health Board, puts this simply: “There is a huge connection between what you eat and your mental health, so it’s really important to keep yourself well nourished.”

    Planning ahead is a way to make this easier – thinking about and preparing meals in advance can help you make healthier choices, reduce stress and prevent you from falling back on overly processed foods. It is also important that you mind your portions. It can be incredibly tempting to overindulge in comfort foods, but keeping portions balanced is what helps you feel your best. Additionally, remember to stay hydrated – keep a bottle of water close by to remind yourself to drink regularly!

    Stay Active

    Physical activity increases blood flow to your brain, which releases feel-good endorphins that clears your mind. Research has proven exercise to be one of the most effective ways to manage symptoms of depression, including SAD. 

    It doesn’t always have to be a formal exercise session:

    • Get outside! A brisk walk or jog in daylight can give you a double boost of exercise and natural light.
    • Try something fun. Dance around your living room, do some yoga or take a swim. 
    • Start small. Even 10 minutes of activity can make a difference, like climbing your own stairs or doing some household chores. 

    The key is to find something you enjoy, and it’ll soon grow into your routine. Any movement counts, and the more you do, the better you’ll feel!

    Letting the Light in

    Winter’s shorter days and darker mornings can disrupt your internal clock and contribute to SAD. Try brightening up your environment:

    • Open up your curtains during the day.
    • Tidying and decluttering to open up space and create a more relaxed atmosphere.
    • Invest in a therapy lamp, which mimics sunlight, or install brighter lamps and bulbs.
    • Add a touch of greenery with houseplants to refresh your surroundings, and make your space feel lighter and more inviting.

    Reflect, Plan, Organize

    Taking a little time to reflect on yourself can help you notice patterns and manage your symptoms. You can start a journal to track your thoughts, feelings and activities – treat it as an opportunity for self-care and reflection. This could even help you to plan your days and structure your time to reduce the overwhelm of feeling unproductive. Remember, this is all about giving yourself space to process emotions and feel more in control.

    Connect with Others

    Winter’s cold weather and early sunsets can make socialising feel more difficult and less appealing, but staying connected is vital for your well-being. Take initiative and spend time with friends, family, join a social club or even a group of volunteers! If you can’t meet in person, arrange a video call or check in through texts! Communities and connections can give you a sense of purpose and improve your overall mood during these darker months. 

    Don’t Hesitate to Seek Help

    SAD is a type of depression, and it’s important to take it seriously. If your symptoms persist or start affecting your daily life, don’t dismiss them and speak to a health professional. The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) recommends treatments like talking therapy, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and, and medication, such as antidepressants.

    For additional support, NoPanic offers resources and talking therapy options. Visit our website for more information.

    And finally, SAD is seasonal, but that doesn’t mean you have to wait it out. Taking proactive steps — like eating well, staying active, brightening your space, and connecting with others — can help you feel more in control and enjoy this time of the year!

    And remember, brighter days are ahead, both literally and figuratively.

    Articles consulted:

    https://www.houseandgarden.co.uk/article/lighting-mood-winter

    https://bjsm.bmj.com/content/57/18/1203

    https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/stepping-up-activity-when-winter-slows-you-down-202403043021

    https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder-sad/symptoms

    https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/seasonal-affective-disorder

    https://www.healthwatch.co.uk/advice-and-information/2024-10-15/what-sad-and-how-can-you-manage-it#:~:text=Seasonal%20Affective%20Disorder%20(SAD)%20is,diagnosed%20with%20SAD%20than%20women.

    Treatments for seasonal affective disorder

    https://sbuhb.nhs.wales/news/swansea-bay-health-news/help-keep-well-through-winter-with-a-healthy-and-balanced-diet/#:~:text=Having%20a%20healthy%20and%20balanced,intake%20of%20fruit%20and%20vegetables.

  • No Panic, it’s (almost) Christmas!

    By Kelly Carrington, GAWD

    According to a popular festive song, this is the most wonderful time of the year. A time for loving, time for giving, mistletoe and festive beverages, etcetera. Yes, social media is a blaze with the picture-perfect Christmases we’re all planning on having. But wait, what happens if yours doesn’t fit the picture-perfect Christmas jelly mould?

    What if you haven’t started Christmas shopping yet? You’re worried about how you’ll muster up the strength and energy to bash out the Christmas meal, and everyone else seems to have got all of their Christmas ducks in a row. Well fear not, I can assure you that you are most certainly not alone!

    No one wants a Christmas filled with anxiety and stress. Yet year upon year, some of us put ourselves through an ordeal which begins as soon as the clocks go back. This year, to save me from tears, I am going to challenge myself to really hammer it all out…All I want for Christmas, is?

    (Space left blank for you, to decide.)

    Christmas anxiety or anxious about Christmas?

    Anxiety can strip the fun out of any kind of Christmas you might have planned or dreamed of. It is as though we desire to have the high street store ad-style Christmas, but anxiety behaves like old Ebenezer himself, by stripping the Christmas joy right from under us.

    There is a theory behind this.

    The expectation effect (EE) is a psychological theory that works on the same premise as the placebo effect. The mind plays a part in helping to create pain relief, reduce inflammation and a whole host of other sedative functions.

    It stands to reason then that our minds can also positively impact the enjoyment of an event or activity, if our expectations are managed. In fact, studies have shown that physically and mentally our performance is improved. But there is a but. Stress and anxiety and unrealistic expectations lead to negative outcomes. I found David Robson’s book, The Expectation Effect: How Your Mindset Can Transform Your Life, most interesting. (1.)

    Christmas is a perfect example of the EE in play. You want an idyllic Christmas, but the reality is usually a far cry from that. Plus there is a huge amount of stress and pressure you’re under to achieve perfection. Not only is it unrealistic to expect a perfect hitch-free Christmas, it is just not healthy, wealthy, or wise to put such demands on you and your family.

    It’s all about Balance

    Anxiety in small doses can be useful, it can help the mind to think clearly, it can raise energy levels by getting the blood pumping. Too much of it leads to stress on the body and mind.

    The same is true for expectations. Christmas is usually steeped in traditions spanning years with valued sentiment attached to them. Unfortunately problems occur when we place expectations on other people or events, both are out of our control. If the event doesn’t go to plan, then resentment and stress ruin the expected outcome.

    I’ll Set the Scene

    In our minds, it is going to be the most rewarding, heart-warming gathering of souls ever. But in reality we don’t get to see many people because we probably spent the whole time catering, clearing up, and sorting out disputes over who won the game of family Twister.

    Worse still, our expectations can affect the way others behave, and it can affect our perceptions. So we are more heightened and this feeds into the need for perfection. Making us hypercritical and on the lookout for problems.

    I feel like I’m losing the Christmas magic here slightly. But, I have to remind myself regularly, it is just one day!!! Actually, let’s be honest, Christmas starts in shops before Halloween, right after the kids go back to school. Whilst it is not Christmas every day, Noddy, your wish is not too far from the truth. We are embroiled in festive planning for most of the year. It is always in the back of our minds. Where we will feast, who we will celebrate with and where.

    I find that there is this inner, push-me-pull-me situation going on in my head. I’m pushing back against the mince pies on sale in September, but then I’m buying advent calendars in July! I’m my own worst Christmas one-upmanship enemy.

    Inner Intrusive Scrooges Begone!

    I’m painting the worst picture, but in fact, for most of us Christmas is fun. How on earth can we enjoy Christmas, but manage our expectations, when we cannot control others’ behaviours? Well that will truly take some Christmas magic. So short of waving our Christmas fairy wands this year I will be thinking about the things that really matter to me.

    Yes kids, if you could just look up from your devices for 10 minutes, I would actually like to spend time with you all.

    The Happy Formula

    In 2012, two economists, Baucells and Sarin developed a handy formula relating to wellbeing. (2.)

    Wellbeing = Reality – Expectations

    Those with the lowest expectations are the happiest. I think that rings true.

    My Christmas Expectation Management Tips

    • Make a Christmas wishlist and share that with those you love.
    • Draft in extra help and delegate jobs, rather than soldiering on alone.
    • Keep in mind those parts which usually worry or upset us. Set realistic expectations. We cannot control others’ actions.
    • If you are feeling overwhelmed, be sure to step away from the action, have a cheeky mince pie, stare up at the sky, or watch Wallace and Gromit’s Christmas Special.
    • Donate to a foodbank, volunteer or make a call to someone on their own. If you are able to. No expectations, but it will make you feel good.

    The Christmas Sign Off

    Memories which last a lifetime are those filled with love, life and laughter. Try and claw back the best of Christmases of the past by remembering just how little was needed to make it a good one. The core values. Then dress it up a bit of course! Got to have some fairy lights, but as for the rest of the faff…well, that’s for the naughty list.

    There will be ups and downs and, but as long as you manage to snatch some time to do a few of the things you would like to do with the people you love, then that is for the win.

    Embrace the last minute panic, lots of festive cheer, and possibly some anxiety about how your big day will go. I hope this post has given you food for thought and you are able to scrap a few bits off your massive to-do list.

    Merry Christmas all, here’s a photo of my little dog Winnie. She most definitely does not like dressing up for Christmas, too early that is.

    References

    1. Book: The Expectation Effect, by David Robson, (2022)
    The Expectation Effect
    1. Book: Engineering Happiness. A New Approach for Building a Joyful Life

    By Manel Baucells, Rakesh Sarin · 2012

    https://www.google.co.uk/books/edition/_/EE-lDC2z8bwC?hl=en&gbpv=0

    Short Bio

    Kelly has been an anxious soul since birth, probably even in the womb. In her day job she is a children’s mental health recovery worker. But in her spare time, squeezed in between being a mum, wife and dog-mum she is also a mental health blogger.

    Check out GAWD (Generalised Anxiety and Worry Diaries) to hear more from Kelly, where she mixes personal stories along with a teeny bit of science to help us make sense of all this mental health stuff!

  • Why You Don’t Need To Manage Or Control Anxiety

    By Anton McCarthy

    You wake up, and your mind spins.

    I’m never going to hit that deadline!

    I forgot to clean the cat’s litter tray! (Poor Kitty).

    Argh, my boss just messaged — it’s not even 8 am!

    Or, you just have those surfacing thoughts about how you might not love your husband after all. Or how you know your friends are laughing at that new business idea you shared last week (trust me, they’re not).

    The monkey mind

    In his incredible book The Untethered Soul, Michael Singer talks about how we all have an “inner roommate” who never stops talking.

    This inner roommate (our narrator) talks for the sake of talking. Nothing it says is of inherent value; it just wants to be heard. Its job is to watch out for and protect you.

    It just wants to stay in touch!

    Like a remote employee flicking their chat messenger to green while they put their feet up, it wants you to know they are “on it.” No worries there.

    The “trouble” with the monkey mind

    As we know, it’s not always plain sailing. The trouble is, instead of discounting the voice of the monkey mind, we take it oh, so seriously.

    In our Western culture, we are conditioned to listen to it. We believe we ARE the voice inside. But like Michael Singer also says:

    There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing that you are not the voice of the mind — you are the one who hears it.

    There is nothing more fundamental to spiritual growth than seeing this truth for yourself.

    The habitual thought machine is the source of countless wars, conflicts, troubles at home, misunderstandings and anxiety and depression — more than anyone could quantify.

    We don’t have to pay the mind’s chatter so much attention

    But let’s not confuse things.

    It’s not that your habitual thought machine is a problem to be grappled with.

    As we said, it’s just doing its thing and providing what it sees as helpful suggestions.

    That DOESN’T mean we have to pay it so much attention though!

    If we must act, we’ll know about it. It will be a matter requiring immediate attention, and we won’t even be listening to it then.

    We’ll be busy acting, getting out of the way of a speeding bus or making sure we hit that deadline we were about to miss.

    Have you ever decided something without thinking about it all that much?

    In those moments, I bet you FELT it was the right call with every fibre of your being.

    That’s because you weren’t lost in your thoughts, hanging out with your trusty thought machine.

    Instead, a feeling kicked in. Instinct kicked in, and you just knew what to do.

    No thoughts were required.

    How do you pay the thought machine less attention?

    I read another great book several years back: The Inside Out Revolution by Michael Neill, an international best-selling coach.

    I highly recommend picking up a copy after you grab The Untethered Soul!

    But something he said about enjoying a calmer feeling inside has always stayed with me:

    There is no better way I know to still the mind than not trying to still the mind.

    That may be a slight paraphrase, but that’s the gist of it.

    If you shake a snow globe and you want it to stop, do you keep shaking it or leave it be?

    And so, with the mind, you can leave it be — let it do its thing.

    You will come back to balance if you allow for it.

    And if the feeling stays, stay with it. Acknowledge it. Allow it. Don’t try to change it.

    Simply observe it, as best you can in each moment – and watch what happens.

    ***

    Explore Anton’s audio tracks on Insight Timer

  • A Natural Path To Healing

    Written By Jon, from Stone in My Boot.

    A refreshing alternative to traditional therapy featuring scenic landscapes and transformative activities to regain your mental clarity.
    In a fast-paced world full of algorithms, hashtags and filters, mental health is more important than ever. While we are the most connected generation of all time, we also tend to be one of the loneliest generations of all time. This has led to an increase in the level of stress, anxiety, and depression affecting people’s daily lives. With this comes an increasing need to find natural, accessible, and effective forms of therapy to help navigate through the pressures of modern living.
    What is Walking Therapy?
    A fairly new form of therapy that comes with the soothing effects of being outdoors (no matter the weather or the temperature).
    Walking therapy is a type of therapy conducted while walking; the plus point is that it is all done in nature. It combines physical movement with mindfulness, while seamlessly engaging both the body and mind in the healing process. By combining the rhythm of walking with therapeutic conversation or quiet contemplation, walking therapy offers a refreshing alternative to traditional talk therapy in a glass door office setting.
    As the famous quote ‘nature itself is the best physician’, numerous studies conducted by scientists have proven over the years that natural greenery improves mental health and clarity. Research shows that nature’s soothing effect can restore mental balance, reduce cortisol levels, symptoms of phobias, anxiety, and offer feelings of calmness and relaxation.
    While walking therapy has multiple mental health benefits to support OCD, mitigate panic attacks and multiple forms of phobias, it also encourages mindfulness and presence by allowing you to connect not only to nature but to yourself. By reconnecting with yourself (in both mind and body) you can focus on processing any difficult emotions, gain mental clarity and fresh perspective on things (which in hindsight you may not want to go over behind closed doors in a therapist’s office).
    Stone in My Boot, a unique wellness initiative, is helping individuals find peace, healing, and clarity through a practice that is both simple and profound: walking therapy. Their wellness retreats include stunning Lake District sceneries, interactive and reflective activities. The therapists at Stone in My Boot are trained professionals who can guide you through the experience, making sure the process is both therapeutic and meaningful.
    A holistic wellness approach that allows you to venture into scenic landscapes with transformative activities to help restore mental well-being, develop perspective, and order your thoughts process.
    An opportunity for you to heal, grow and reconnect with yourself by simply putting one foot in front of the other.

  • Bulk Membership Referral

    This option is for those who are being referred through our bulk Scheme. If your employer or organisation has purchased one of our bulk membership options please select this option and provide you details and the name of the organisation you are connected to. You will not be charged.

    Each membership in this package includes access to one course of our CBT-Focused Mentoring Services. Through the memberships in this package, people may also access other free services, like Anxiety Support Chat.

    Single-Session Mentoring and Fast-Track Mentoring are not included. Anybody wanting these services must purchase them separately.

    Membership to No Panic includes:

    • Access to our Telephone Support services including one-to-one mentoring and recovery groups ( Please note these are members only and there is still an additional charge for these)
    • Access to our befriending group service and coffee afternoons
    • Access to our webchat support group on Monday evening
    • Access to our member’s only Facebook Group
    • A year’s subscription to our member’s monthly support email
    • A discount on buying stocked items from No Panic by post or phone
    • A coupon on your birthday for 10% off any No Panic stock
    • A free copy of the Extended Beginner’s Guide to Anxiety
    • 15% Discount with Lavender World
    • A No Panic wristband