NoPanic

Category: Articles from Outside No Panic

  • Lessons in Love and Anxiety.

    By Kelly Carrington, GAWD

    Got the Date Frights?

    Love is in the air, isn’t it? Yes, Saint Valentine is firing his bows of match-making warm and fuzzies all over the place. But what if anxiety threatens to stick its stake in all matters of the heart?

    Whether you’re settled or single, anxiety is an inevitable part of being human. While we can manage its intensity, we often can’t completely extinguish the flames. Instead of fighting or fearing anxiety, it’s a case of ‘better the devil you know…’, and learn how to live with it.

    That’s not to say we’re going to take it lying down and let it control us. Rather we are going to look after the number one person in your life, you! Show some compassion. Try to understand anxiety and how we experience it. We might end up with a healthier relationship with the nuts and bolts on the inside. Then we can tackle the stuff on the outside.

    Teenie bit of Dating Anxiety Science: How and Why we Make Connections.

    Seeking connections and the anxiety around this, is essentially what our brains are hardwired to do. Evolutionists believe that early humans craved social interactions and connections. The need to form alliances, increase pack numbers, and enjoy others’ company. It was for survival, though more than this, it supported mental health, wellbeing and the motivation to advance. Our emotion controller in the brain, the limbic system, is constantly assessing risk and reward in terms of social interactions.

    When dating, the brain releases chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin, each playing a role in how we feel and behave around others. Dopamine fuels the butterflies’ feeling of a new connection. While the hormones oxytocin and serotonin work by helping you bond with someone, deepening our connection and regulating emotions. But our good old friend cortisol, the stress hormone, can stick its beak in when we feel anxious about rejection, leading to a sense of fear and massive discomfort.

    Anxiety, Single or Attached: The Inner Struggle

    This discomfort for those who are single, the fear of not finding someone, is often not helped by the constant anxiety of being ‘left on the shelf.’ Societal pressures and comparisons to norms, could leave you feeling inadequate and stressed.

    Dating is like a real time game of life, how many points will I get for bagging this one… Can I keep hold of them? Success is often measured by being paired with someone. This is where the fear of rejection kicks in. On one hand we’re told to “make connections, it’s essential for your social survival.” But then we might not find ‘the one’, certainly not within a timeframe society has set for us. This leads to a fear of disconnection, the brain kicks in, sess this as a threat to our body. We go into fight or flight, cortisol rises, essentially we pull down our dating shutters.

    It is only when we understand that connection is both internal and external, we can change the narrative. With my psychology hat on, we seek approval and acceptance, not just from potential partners, but from ourselves. It’s easy to fall into the trap of attaching our self-worth to what others think about us. The science says that self-esteem is better managed once we work on accepting and validating who we are and where we are right now. An understanding that our value doesn’t depend solely on being in a relationship.

    For those who are attached, anxiety may stem from fears of vulnerability, commitment, or not being “enough.” In relationships, the brain still releases dopamine during the “honeymoon phase,” but it can quickly shift to anxiety if there’s a breakdown in communication or unmet needs. A lot of this anxiety stems from not feeling heard or understood, or the fear of rejection by someone we’ve become emotionally invested in. We may even project insecurities from past relationships, creating unnecessary tension.

    I Love Myself! I’m Trying to…

    It’s not easy to love ourselves and show self-compassion. Our culture, in my opinion, frowns upon self-love. That said, I’m mindful that I could sound like an affirmation meme with these tips for learning to love yourself. I’ll try to keep out the mush so that I might protect our sensibilities.

    Steps Toward Calm: Internal Focus

    1. Self-Awareness: Begin by understanding your own emotional triggers. Taking time to journal or reflect on these feelings helps create a roadmap for addressing them.
    2. Self-Compassion: The fear of not being good enough often comes from a lack of self-compassion. It’s easy to be harsh on ourselves. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love, regardless of whether you’re single or dating.
    3. Mindfulness Practices: Anxiety thrives in the future and the past, but mindfulness pulls you into the present moment. Meditation, breathing exercises, or even simple grounding techniques help reduce cortisol levels and reset your nervous system.
    4. Detach From the Outcome: This is easier said than done. The more we fixate on finding “the one” or making a current relationship work, the more anxiety builds. If we can learn to enjoy the journey—meeting new people, discovering more about ourselves, and growing from experiences—we reduce the pressure.

    Reaching Outward: Shifting the Focus to Connection

    Once we begin to connect with ourselves and reduce the internal anxiety, we can approach dating or relationships from a more grounded place. Instead of focusing on external pressures like being left on the shelf-timelines, we can focus on building authentic connections.

    Relationships are like a mirror, a chance to reflect on our own growth, fears, and desires. The key is to approach it with a sense of curiosity and openness. When you are ready.

    My Swan Song of Love to You: The Magic of Self-Compassion and Loving Yourself

    Whether you’re single, dating, or in a relationship, anxiety is a natural part of the journey. There’s a magic that begins with self-compassion, which unlocks true connections, with yourself or with another. Treat yourself the way you would a new love or connection. Embrace your own imperfections and love who you are right now.

    When you can love yourself fully—anxiety, warts n’ all—you create the space for others to love you in return. Stop trying to prove your worth and start living your worth. Now go out and get yourself a date night meal deal. You’re worth it…

    References

    1. Calm – The science of love & the hormones that help you fall in love
    https://www.calm.com/blog/science-of-love
    1. Psychology Today – 4 Theories on Why We Fall in Love
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/dating-toxic-or-tender/202208/4-theories-on-why-we-fall-in-love
    1. Love Patterns: The Brain’s Role In Our Relationships
    https://www.evolveinnature.com/blog/2021/4/20/love-patterns-the-brains-role-in-our-relationships
    1. The Role of Self-compassion in Romantic Relationships

    Neff, K. D., & Beretvas, S. N. (2012). The Role of Self-compassion in Romantic Relationships. Self and Identity, 12(1), 78–98. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298868.2011.639548

    (https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15298868.2011.639548

  • A Natural Path To Healing

    Written By Jon, from Stone in My Boot.

    A refreshing alternative to traditional therapy featuring scenic landscapes and transformative activities to regain your mental clarity.
    In a fast-paced world full of algorithms, hashtags and filters, mental health is more important than ever. While we are the most connected generation of all time, we also tend to be one of the loneliest generations of all time. This has led to an increase in the level of stress, anxiety, and depression affecting people’s daily lives. With this comes an increasing need to find natural, accessible, and effective forms of therapy to help navigate through the pressures of modern living.
    What is Walking Therapy?
    A fairly new form of therapy that comes with the soothing effects of being outdoors (no matter the weather or the temperature).
    Walking therapy is a type of therapy conducted while walking; the plus point is that it is all done in nature. It combines physical movement with mindfulness, while seamlessly engaging both the body and mind in the healing process. By combining the rhythm of walking with therapeutic conversation or quiet contemplation, walking therapy offers a refreshing alternative to traditional talk therapy in a glass door office setting.
    As the famous quote ‘nature itself is the best physician’, numerous studies conducted by scientists have proven over the years that natural greenery improves mental health and clarity. Research shows that nature’s soothing effect can restore mental balance, reduce cortisol levels, symptoms of phobias, anxiety, and offer feelings of calmness and relaxation.
    While walking therapy has multiple mental health benefits to support OCD, mitigate panic attacks and multiple forms of phobias, it also encourages mindfulness and presence by allowing you to connect not only to nature but to yourself. By reconnecting with yourself (in both mind and body) you can focus on processing any difficult emotions, gain mental clarity and fresh perspective on things (which in hindsight you may not want to go over behind closed doors in a therapist’s office).
    Stone in My Boot, a unique wellness initiative, is helping individuals find peace, healing, and clarity through a practice that is both simple and profound: walking therapy. Their wellness retreats include stunning Lake District sceneries, interactive and reflective activities. The therapists at Stone in My Boot are trained professionals who can guide you through the experience, making sure the process is both therapeutic and meaningful.
    A holistic wellness approach that allows you to venture into scenic landscapes with transformative activities to help restore mental well-being, develop perspective, and order your thoughts process.
    An opportunity for you to heal, grow and reconnect with yourself by simply putting one foot in front of the other.

  • Getting Back To It

    By Kelly Carrington.

    It is that time of year again. We are all clawing on to the last days of the warm weather, or sheltering from the downpours. And, no doubt, you have probably all embraced getting back to some kind of normality, be that work, big school, or simply returning to any routine. However, if you are anything like me, anxiety and re-entry stress teams up to cause all kinds of trouble, giving you the impression that the out-of-office was never on in the first place.

    There’s a Name for That

    Back to work or school anxiety is a bona fide psychological phenomenon with its own title – ‘re-entry syndrome’ (or some like to call it re-entry stress). (1) (2)

    Re-entry stress sounds like you were part of an Apollo Mission, re-entering the Earth’s atmosphere. It is likely that this term has been around since modern civilisation was developed. Maybe even longer. Those who spent long periods away from the hustle and bustle of busier times and environments, due to hunting, sheltering from extreme weather and so on, probably found their levels of stress rising at the thought of getting back to their former lives, tribes, or settlements.

    However, that does not mean that when you are taking a break, life is all carefree. Just like the everyday, holidays can be filled with stressy to-do lists. Meaning that you are never quite able to fully let loose and relax. Everyday anxiety gains momentum, and joins re-entry stress, to create the worst levels of fear. Fear of not being ready, not good enough, deskilled, or having to work hard to prove your worth to get back up to the accepted level.

    It is worth reminding yourself that whilst all of these concerns are valid, you have no proof either way to support or refute these worries. Plus, you are still the person they employed, or classmate they love working with. Having a break has given you that much needed time to have a breather. Making you refreshed and ready for action.

    Give Yourself a Break

    I have pulled together some helpful suggestions, which might help with re-entry syndrome, however long you have been off, and are trying to get back in the zone at work, school or home.

    ●     Keep your to-do list updated. That way you can deal with urgent tasks first.

    ●     Talk through any concerns your child might have about being back at school. Reassure them, and they are not alone with their worries.

    ●     Practice self-care, microbursts of fun things, timeouts to help pepper the day with work.

    ●     Go easy on yourself, you can only do what you can do, the rest can wait until tomorrow.

    It’s in the Bag

    You’ve done it! As you entered the building or environment for the first time since the break, you ‘broke the back’ of re-entry stress. This should get easier each time you do it. It is a form of exposure therapy. It helps the brain positively associate your surroundings and experiences. Psychologists call this ‘classical conditioning.’ (3.)

    After a few weeks, if you are still struggling with low mood at work then it might be time to seek professional help, be that employment or health advice. See references (4) and (5) for links to helpful resources.

    No Reprieve?

    Re-entry syndrome is quite common for all, especially as we are the Covid generation, with many lockdowns and periods of isolation. But what is one to do when you are anxious all of the time? Worrying about being at work, off work, planning to leave work for the holiday, and start back again?

    Take the first day of the summer holidays, for instance, most people are kicking back, and staying in their pjs until midday. Not me, I bought the school uniforms and PE kits online, and collected them the next day. Now that is forward planning. Smug old me was prepared. But was I ever relaxed at any point over my supposed time-out?

    High Achievers Anxiety…

    It would appear that my anxiety is classed as ‘High Functioning Anxiety.’ On the exterior, got it all together, high flying, organised and loving life. Internally, anxious, stressed, obsessive and has plenty of negative thoughts. Oh, and controlling with strict routines and habits… Bingo! (6.)

    Sometimes my over-enthusiastic penchant for organised living hampers my ability to take enjoyment out of what is currently happening in life. I am a self-confessed fun-sponge.

    I do wish that I was able to throw caution to the wind, and ‘fly by the seat of my pants’ a little.

    Why do anxious souls like me appear to love routine, yet fear it also? The science behind anxiety and routine points to a need for predictability and comfort. Routine makes you grounded which is good for your mental health. (7.)

    The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR) does not recognise high-functioning anxiety as a clinical disorder, which makes it hard to get treatment. Not least because high functioning achievers give off the impression that they are at the top of their game, lives under control.

    Unfortunately the anxiety and stress will build up inside and will show itself eventually. Anxiety can be managed, often it is about owning up that the perfect exterior is not indicative of how you are feeling inside.

    Again, it is important to note, it might be worth contacting your GP if:

    ●      Your anxiety symptoms are causing you much distress

    ●      Self-esteem is low, and your relationships are affected

    ●      Alcohol or drugs are being used to ease your symptoms

    ●      Other mental illnesses, like depression have developed.

    I found it was really helpful to write a list, how organised of me, of the things I was missing out on, or how my over organised-self was possibly hampering the opportunities to have fun. This enabled me to triage my to-do lists and exacting standards. Could I let nature take its course, relax a bit? Let someone else be in the driving seat?

    So, with all this in mind, I wish you well with the new term. May your new shiny shoes stay shiny. Remember, re-entry stress is common. You are not alone. Try to take a breather, and not go full speed ahead too quickly. High functioning anxiety folk like me, you need to be kind to yourself too. In both cases, if a low mood continues with no improvement after two weeks, reach out.

    Short Bio

    Kelly has been an anxious soul since birth, probably even in the womb. In her day job she is a children’s mental health support worker. But in her spare time, squeezed in between being a mum, wife and dog-mum, she is also a mental health blogger.

    Check out GAWD (Generalised Anxiety and Worry Diaries) to hear more from Kelly, where she mixes personal stories along with a teeny bit of science to help us make sense of all this mental health stuff!


    1. References

    2. Systematic review of qualitative evaluations of reentry programs addressing problematic drug use and mental health disorders amongst people transitioning from prison to communities
      https://healthandjusticejournal.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40352-018-0063-8

      Return Syndrome: advice on managing the fear of returning to work
      https://stimulus-global.com/stress-return-to-work/#:~:text=This%20experience%20is%20called%20re,it%20work%20or%20simply%20family.
    3. Classical Conditioning
      https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK470326/
       
      Citizens Advice
      https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/work/
       
      No Panic Resources
      https://nopanic.org.uk/resources/
       
      What is high-functioning anxiety, and do I have it?
      https://www.health.qld.gov.au/newsroom/features/what-is-high-functioning-anxiety-and-do-i-have-it#:~:text=Someone%20with%20high%2Dfunctioning%20anxiety,with%20strict%20routines%20and%20habits
       
      Coping resources mediate the prospective associations between disrupted daily routines and persistent psychiatric symptoms: A population-based cohort study
      https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9127352/
       
       
    https://healthandjusticejournal.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40352-018-0063-8
    1. Return Syndrome: advice on managing the fear of returning to work
    Return Syndrome: advice on managing the fear of returning to work
    1. Classical Conditioning
    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK470326
    1. Citizens Advice
    https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/work
    1. No Panic Resources
    Resources
    1. What is high-functioning anxiety, and do I have it?
    https://www.health.qld.gov.au/newsroom/features/what-is-high-functioning-anxiety-and-do-i-have-it#:~:text=Someone%20with%20high%2Dfunctioning%20anxiety,with%20strict%20routines%20and%20habits
    1. Coping resources mediate the prospective associations between disrupted daily routines and persistent psychiatric symptoms: A population-based cohort study
    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9127352

    Short Bio

    Kelly has been an anxious soul since birth, probably even in the womb. In her day job she is a children’s mental health support worker. But in her spare time, squeezed in between being a mum, wife and dog-mum she is also a mental health blogger.

    Check out GAWD (Generalised Anxiety and Worry Diaries) to hear more from Kelly, where she mixes personal stories along with a teeny bit of science to help us make sense of all this mental health stuff!

  • Arabella and The Worry Cloud

    By Eleanor Segall

    In 2019, not long after my first book ‘Bring me to Light‘ was published, I had an idea for a story about a little girl, aged 7, who had worries- Arabella and the Worry Cloud. She is based on me as a child, I was a big worrier! I remember feeling anxious (separation anxiety) from about aged 4 and was sensitive. I grew up in the 1990’s and anxiety was far less spoken about. So, I decided that I wanted to create the book I didn’t have as a child. Through this I could use my experiences to help children with their mental health too, creating a positive picture book for 5-8 year olds.

    Poor mental health often starts in childhood. For me, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 16, and was off school with intense anxiety as part of a depressive episode at 15. This also included social anxiety, and panic attacks as I grew older. Anxiety and bipolar runs in my family, and I know there are families now who were like mine, or children living in more difficult environments.

    Children in loving, supportive homes (like mine was) can still experience anxiety around nursery, school, after school clubs and friendship issues, bullying, and something I did not have contend with- social media bullying. Other children have special educational needs or disabilities that impact them day to day. Some have challenging home environments that make mental health and life more difficult. My book is for any child struggling with their worries, to find a positive role model in Arabella.

    In the book, Arabella is 7 years old and her special talent is worrying. Her worries are represented by a cloud, known as the Worry Cloud, who comes down to see her from the sky. He reminds her of all her worries, and she tries to run away from him. However, once she begins to think of positive thoughts and memories with her family like eating ice cream at the beach, or swimming with her brother, her mind becomes lighter and happier. These positive thoughts are represented as light beams of positive energy, and she finds she can put her worries into perspective. The book also serves as a reminder that the storm does not last forever!

    The book is illustrated by Shelley the Artist. Her art work and illustrations are beautifully drawn, colourful and were perfect for how I wanted Arabella to be. She is an esteemed digital artist, mural maker, painter and sketcher. She really brought Arabella to life and we loved working together!  You can see her work at www.shelleytheartist.com

    Eleanor Segall.

    If you buy a copy for your child, niece or nephew, cousin, friend’s child or your class at school, I hope you love reading it and that it helps your child to understand that worrying happens, but we can talk about it, process it and find healthy ways to cope.

    Arabella and the Worry Cloud is out now on Amazon

    (image copyright: Eleanor Segall and Shelley the Artist)

  • Why a Digital Detox can Reduce your Stress Levels

    Dr Charlotte Armitage, Founder of No Phones at Home CIC

    Smart devices are part and parcel of everyday life for the majority of people. There are insidious in every element of our lives from the professional to the personal. Whether it’s checking emails, paying for parking, ordering food, tracking our energy use, banking, in education or the plethora of social media platforms used to communicate with friends and loved ones. 

    In today’s world, by the age of 12, 97% of children will own a smart device, and a child born today who lives to the age of 90, is expected to spend around 25 years of their lives looking at a smart screen. 

    Yet the impact that all this screen time is having on mental health, child development, relationships and psychological wellbeing has only recently started to come to light as more research and data is published. 

    There is a growing concern amongst mental health professionals, doctors, teachers and parents about the negative impact smart devices are having on our mental health and psychological wellbeing. Much like we experienced withprocessed food and smoking, we are now in place in societywhen the need to raise education and awareness on smart device use is required to make more informed decisions for the benefit of our health and wellbeing.

    Smart Devices and Stress  

    Being on a smart device for long periods of time can contribute to stress for several reasons. 

    One of the main issues is around the constant information overload faced with the pervasive nature of the devices in our lives. Constant exposure to notifications, emails, social media updates, and news alerts can overwhelm your brain with information, leading to cognitive overload and increased stress levels.

    The ‘always on’ nature of our lives by being constantly connected to work, social networks, and news, makes it difficult to disconnect and relax. The boundaries are blurredbetween work and personal life, leading to increased stress and burnout.

    Other ways in which devices can contribute to stress levels include: 

    • Disrupted sleep, with the blue light emitted by smart device screens interfering with the production of melatonin, a hormone that regulates sleep. Using devices before bedtime can disrupt your sleep patterns, leading to fatigue and increased stress.

    • Reduced physical activity due to spending too much time on smart devices leading to a sedentary lifestyle, which is associated with various health issues, including increased stress levels. Lack of physical activity can also negatively impact mood and mental well-being.

    • Excessive use of smart devices can also lead to addiction-like behaviours, where you feel compelled to constantly check your device for updates and notifications. This dependency can contribute to stress and feelings of anxiety when you’re unable to access your device.

    To mitigate these effects, it’s important to establish healthy boundaries with your smart devices, such as setting designated times for device use, practicing digital detoxes, and prioritising real-life interactions and activities. Finding a balance between technology use and offline activities can help reduce stress and improve overall well-being.

    Digital detox to alleviate stress

    Creating phone-free time can help alleviate stress for several reasons. Establishing phone-free time reinforces boundaries between work and personal life, allowing you to disconnect from work-related stressors during leisure time. 

    Enforcing a digital detox, by taking breaks from your phone allows your brain to rest from the constant barrage of information and stimuli. This reduction in cognitive load can help alleviate feelings of overwhelm and stress.

    Setting boundaries around phone use can also empower you to take control of your time and prioritise activities that nourish your well-being.

    Simple changes you can make: 

    – Turn your phone onto aeroplane mode overnight to limit the distractions. Or think about removing the phone from the bedroom. This can take away the habit of scrolling before bed and as soon as you wake up.  

    – Establish a morning routine that avoids the mobile phone, and only check it once you’ve completed your routine. 

    – Consider taking a social media break. Logout or delete the apps to create some comparison free space. Learning more about social media platforms and how the algorithms work can also help you make more informed choices when you are using apps. 

    – Actively seek phone-free activities. Head out into nature, meet up with friends and family to get creative, pick up a book. Engage in other activities for leisure and enjoyment instead of scrolling or gaming. 

    – Log how you feel when using your smart device, and how much time you’re spending on it. People are often surprised by the amount of time they spend on their devices and correlate it with their mood and feelings. 

    We live in a digital era with smart devices playing an increasingly pivotal role in education, work and leisure. In order for us mitigate the negative implications of this increased digital-heavy world, we need to create phone-free time to allow  much-needed breaks from the demands and distractions of technology, fostering relaxation, mindfulness, and better overall mental health.

    No Phones at Home is a CIC committed to raising awareness and education around the impact of smart device use. Head to the website for a free planner guide to help carve out dedicated phone-free time in your busy schedules, along with further advice on healthy smart device use.

  • Foster Carer’s Mental Health

    By Sarah Anderson, FosterWiki

    1 in 4 people in the UK will experience mental health issues each year according to the NHS, foster carers are no different, and are, by nature of what they do, exposed to more risk factors that contribute to mental health issues than many, so why is foster carer’s mental health so universally unacknowledged and unsupported?


    There is no argument that the children are first and foremost and at the centre of all we do, but those who care for them may also need support with their mental health. As foster carers burn out or suffer silently from secondary traumatic stress or compassion fatigue it can directly affect the children in more ways than one, impacting on placement stability, retention of carers, and children and young people continue to be bounced around the system multiple times, further exacerbating their existing trauma.


    The truth is mental health issues do not prevent foster carers from functioning in their role, just as they do not prevent others from working, parenting or going about the normality of their day, but they do need addressing if we want better outcomes for children and young people.


    Talking about and maintaining a foster carer’s mental health should be standard, it should be normal, and it certainly should not be a taboo subject. However, many foster carers are reluctant to discuss or report any mental health issues due to fear of losing their registration and children.


    Unfortunately, ignoring foster carer’s mental health and leaving it unacknowledged does not mean that issues go away, it simply means they go underground and have wider reaching repercussions.


    Foster carers may be affected by Secondary Traumatic Stress at some time in their fostering role, many without even realising it. When a carer is in close contact or attuned to children and young people who have been traumatised, they are being exposed, often subconsciously, to the young person’s distress and trauma of past events. As a carer, this can feel exhausting and it is not uncommon for carers dealing with traumatised children to struggle with this, adding strain to their own mental health.


    Compassion fatigue in a foster carer is a term that describes the emotional and psychological impact of caring for, and helping children and young people who carry a lot of trauma. It can lead to a diminished ability to feel compassion or feel empathy for the children and young people in their care.


    Depression and anxiety can be common amongst carers, as they are exposed repeatedly to another’s subconscious trauma, disturbing stories and disclosures of traumatic events, including cruelty, abandonment, abuse, neglect, sexual abuse, substance abuse, domestic violence, trafficking and more.


    Foster carers are also encouraged to build strong loving attachments with each child or young person, to make them part of their families, part of their lives. So when a child moves on the loss and grief can be all encompassing. You would think there would be support and understanding for this, however foster carers are a low priority and are left to deal with this loss and grief alone, afraid to reach out for help less they, ironically, get labelled ‘too attached’ or ‘over emotional’.


    Projection and transference are complex psychological and psychotherapeutic terms; however, they are a very common occurrence in foster care. Simply put it means that a child or young person is unconsciously transferring their feelings about someone else onto the foster carer. In foster care, it can mean that in the absence of the birth parents the child will ‘project’ their feelings of anger, loss, frustration, confusion, grief and onto the foster carer.


    The impact of the current allegations system is something that shadows foster carers, they often live and work with the fear and anxiety of allegations as a constant backdrop, this can result in hyper-vigilance and anxiety in their own homes and daily life.


    So what do foster carers need? Firstly a safe space to discuss their mental health, feelings and emotions without fear of reprisals, plus access to adequate breaks, quality supervision and confidential counselling.


    If you are a foster carer take stock of how you are feeling and don’t minimise the impact fostering has on your mental health, do not berate yourself for not being ‘stronger’ or underestimate how you are feeling and try to soldier on.


    One of the most powerful and important yet difficult things to do is to reach out for help and talk to someone, admittedly finding the right place to do that can also be challenging as it needs to be confidential, however fostering services must also recognise how important it is for placement stability and outcomes for children to protect their foster carers mental health.

    No Panic can provide confidential support to foster carers experiencing anxiety. If you are a foster carer struggling with anxiety, please phone our helpline on 0300 7729844. Open every day 10am-10pm.

  • Anxious and Autistic

    By Kaye Inglis, Writer.

    Long before I knew I was autistic, I knew I was a very anxious person. Much of this anxiety I could trace back to my parents moving house – from the idyllic Isle of Skye where I was born to a small town in rural Perthshire – when I was six years old. 

    My early years were spent playing in and exploring the breathtaking landscape of the Hebrides, with only a handful of other children of similar age, and just two close friends. I also spent a great deal of time content in my own company; raised in a creative, writing, and storytelling family I was never bored or lonely with my imagination and pets for company.

    Much later in life I was to realise that this contentment in solitude was a common trait in many autistic people. Moving to a new town, a vastly different environment and a much bigger school was daunting to say the least. It is here that I remember my first experience of anxiety attacks, recorded in my mum’s diary at the time as feeling “a bit of me is wobbling” – a young child’s way of describing a racing heart that I could feel in my chest.

    Of course, relocating is likely to cause some anxiety for anyone of any age, autistic or not. It’s a natural response to different, alien situations and circumstances. The feeling of not fitting in is common to most people at first. However, for an autistic person fear of sticking out can pervade all aspects of life and be a cause of constant worry, which is exhausting to deal with whether adult or child.

    As a child I quickly learned and accepted that not everyone I met would be as into my passions as I was – various fascinations included fish, space, horses, and ghosts. This didn’t bother me; I was more than happy playing or reading on my own and found other children’s games frequently bored me. However, as my teenage years approached and another school change to secondary education moved my grounding parameters once more, the feeling of “otherness” and desperate desire not to stick out increased further, at times causing me to miss classes, hobbled by physical symptoms of panic attacks and a general air of dread about not fitting in, being outed as “different” or “weird”.

    The National Autistic Society reports that between 40 and 50 per cent of people with autism experience a clinical diagnosis of anxiety about fitting in in situations from work and education to leisure, hobbies, and relationships. I didn’t find out I was autistic until well into my adult years, prompted to seek answers after realising my dad – who also suffered severe social anxiety – had many autistic traits, though he was never officially diagnosed. This encouraged me to explore my own experiences with the help of medical professionals.

    Over time, I learned that my anxiety triggers included much more than not fitting in to social groups or situations. One of my biggest triggers was a fear of being laughed at, of being seen to be no good at something other people could do, which in turn made me wary of trying new things unless I had the chance to perfect them on my own. Sensory overload – in particular loud or repetitive noise, strong smells, and having other, unknown people in my personal space – also played a role. Not just the physical and mental effect of beingoverstimulated, but also fear of what might happen should the stimuli cause me to have a meltdown. Again, this is a common anxiety for those on the autism spectrum.

    Improvising through life

    What helps an autistic person cope with and manage such anxieties will vary from person to person, there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Mindfulness, counselling, CBT and medication are just some of the tools I and my autistic friends have found helpful to lessen anxiety. Speaking with a doctor or counsellor who specialises in autism is a good place to start. Often, help coping will come from a combination of many different things. For myself, I found some helpful skills in what may be considered a slightly strange environment: improvised comedy. Growing up in the 1990s, I was a huge fan of the out-of-the-box thinking on the comedy show “Whose Line is it Anyway?” A couple of decades later, having moved to Bournemouth for work and not knowing many people, I mustered up the courage to look for some new hobbies where I might meet like-minded folk. An advert for an improvised comedy for fun group immediately caught my eye and, after a couple of weeks working up the courage I emailed the group organiser and went along for a trial session, reasoning I could just leave if I didn’t like it.

    As it turned out, I loved it. The people in the group were friendly and many in a similar situation to myself. Over a few months our improvising for fun turned into performing our own improv shows around the Bournemouth and Dorset area. I soon began to realise that my class skills could be used in real life, improvising through situations that used to terrify me. Autism and the anxiety that surrounds it often require masking, which in a strange way I found helpful in improv.  The “yes and” ethos of improvised comedy in turn helped me to mask a little less and deal better with situations that took me out of my comfort zone. Though I still experiences challenges with the anxiety surrounding my autism, I feel more equipped to cope improvising my way through the “real” world.

  • How Suffering with Anxiety Can Lead to Mental Exhaustion

    What causes mental exhaustion?

    Mental exhaustion can occur when your brain is overworked without getting the vital rest it needs to recuperate. This can be through too much concentration, stimulation or overthinking for an excessive period. 

    Symptoms of mental exhaustion can include

    Finding it difficult to concentrate

    Lack of enthusiasm for the things you used to enjoy

    Feeling depressed and down

    Social withdrawal

    Feeling irritable and impatient 

    Lack of confidence 

    Feeling overwhelmed by everyday tasks

    Feeling foggy-headed

    Disturbed sleep

    Why do people who suffer from anxiety often become mentally worn out?

    The reason anxiety sufferers often become mentally fatigued is because they spend so much time worrying and obsessing about their condition. Their attention is constantly turned inward towards how they are feeling while at the same time desperately trying to figure a way out of their predicament. 

    They may spend hours scouting the internet, reading books, searching through forums or their own mind looking for answers while worrying about the effect it is having on them and those around them. They may also use immense mental energy in an attempt to appear normal to others while trying to keep on top of their commitments.

    Unfortunately, due to all this extra brain activity, they begin to feel worse so they worry and obsess even more which only leads to a continued search for solutions. They become more introspective than ever and so enter into a never-ending cycle that only fatigues them further. The irony is that they are creating so much of their suffering by attempting to get out of it. 

    The brain is an organ and, just like any limb, will show signs of exhaustion when overused. The suffering you feel is your body’s way of telling you to stop, that this approach is not working. It is like trying to run on a broken leg in an attempt to heal it and wondering why your suffering increases.

    A lot of anxiety sufferers hear the phrase allowing/accepting as a way out but don’t always understand the true meaningbehind it. When it comes to mental exhaustion, the obvious answer is to stop trying to feel better so you no longer exhaust yourself and no longer add another layer of suffering on top. This means accepting your current state and no longer tryingto feel any different than you do. This will cut down the brain work immensely and allow your brain to get the rest it so needs to heal itself.

    Of course, due to what you have put yourself through previously, you will still feel mentally exhausted for a while,but now you have finally broken the loop you found yourself in. Recovery is something that will come to you in time, therewas never something you had to do to achieve it. Clarity will appear all by itself, the sadness will lift, you will be less irritable, life will feel less overwhelming and you will have the energy and motivation you always wanted. Not through trying to find a solution but through no longer trying to find a solution. 

    So much suffering is self-created and recovery comes through seeing this. It comes through knowledge and understanding so we no longer create the suffering we are so desperately trying to escape from. 

    Alongside the advice above there are many practical things you can do to cut down on mental exhaustion:

    • Spending more time outdoors and less time sitting at home brooding about how you feel

    • Cutting down on social media or watching negative stories on the media

    • Learning to say no to too many demands at work or outside of it

    • Practice self-care and no longer attempt to numb your feelings through overeating, drugs or alcohol

    • Letting go of toxic people that drain your energy 

    • Prioritise rest and take time outs when needed

    • Taking up new hobbies or interests that energise you

    • Don’t try and think your way out of how you are feeling, learn to live alongside any discomfort you may be experiencing

    As you can see the advice is always about cutting down on introspecting and overthinking, giving your brain the rest thatit needs to recuperate while putting no more demands on it to solve your life or internal state. The brain can then recharge its batteries and regain its clarity. This will enable you to feel more internal peace and move towards regaining your former self so that life feels far more enjoyable and less demanding.

    Paul David is the author of At Last a Life.

  • “And How Does That Make You Feel?”

    My Personal and Professional Journey Through Anxiety Therapy”

    By Joshua Fletcher

    Hi, I’m Joshua Fletcher, also known as @anxietyjosh on social media. I want to share with you my journey, which inspired my latest book, “And How Does That Make You Feel? Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Therapy.” My story began in 2012 with a diagnosis of panic disorder and OCD. It was a tough time, filled with anxiety, fear of panic symptoms like feeling detached from myself and my surroundings, obsessing over my heartbeat, and avoiding places for fear of a panic attack, or the associated thoughts and fears that come with it like losing control in some way.

    Fast forward to today, and my life has transformed. My panic attacks are rare, and when they do happen, they don’t scare me anymore. I’ve learned not to obsess over every sensation or thought. My experience led me to become a psychotherapist specializing in anxiety disorders, and I’ve also completed a master’s in counselling and psychology. Plus, I’ve written several best-selling self-help books on anxiety.

    My upcoming book is something I’m really passionate about. It’s not just a self-help guide; it’s an insight into what it’s like to be an anxiety therapist who has experienced anxiety firsthand. It’s a book about being an anxiety therapist, and lets the reader take a look behind the scenes of what is a profession often shrouded in mystery.

    In “And How Does That Make You Feel?”, you’ll meet four characters, each with their own struggles:

    1. Daphne, a Hollywood actress dealing with identity issues and nighttime panic attacks.

    2. Levi, a nightclub doorman fighting intrusive thoughts.

    3. Zahra, a GP who struggles with driving anxiety and the shame of panic.

    4. Noah, who finds socializing difficult and carries a secret he fears sharing in therapy.

    These stories represent the real challenges faced by people with anxiety, brought to life through anonymized characters. The book gives an inside look at how I approach therapy with each of them. You’ll get a glimpse into the various thoughts and perspectives that run through my mind during sessions – from anxious thoughts to compassionate and critical analyses.

    The book is also filled with informative content about anxiety – its causes, how to manage it, and what effective therapy looks like. I do this by including psychoeducation that is interspersed throughout the book. It’s about understanding the therapy world, especially from the viewpoint of someone who’s been on both sides of the therapeutic process.

    For example, like Zahra, I had driving anxiety. I use my personal experiences and professional training to help her and many others who come to me with a variety of challenges. The book covers topics like exposure therapy and the importance of understanding your own body and mind.

    I wrote this book to resonate with those who have experienced anxiety, to make them feel seen and understood. It’s also for people who might not know what living with anxiety is like. The book is engaging and aims to enlighten readers about anxiety disorders and the stigma around mental health.

    My friends and publisher have praised the book, describing it as a perfect mix of an engaging narrative with valuable insights into anxiety. It has been described as “stealth-help” which I am delighted with. It’s meant to help readers empathize with those who struggle with anxiety disorders. I also discuss the concept of emotional conservatism in the book, emphasizing that those who face anxiety are not weak. They are incredibly brave for confronting their fears daily.

    “And How Does That Make You Feel?” is a tribute to outstanding therapists and everyone battling anxiety. It’s about finding hope, experiencing joy, and showing that there’s always a path out of panic and anxiety. I’m excited for you to read it and join me on this journey. It’s a significant achievement for me, and I hope you find as much joy in reading it as I did in writing it.

    Click here to preorder “And How Does That Make You Feel”.

  • Teach A Person To Fish

    After ignoring an increasing number of panic attacks for over a year, Leicestershire writer Stewart Bint suffered a major mental health breakdown in 1997 which led to him being hospitalised for ten weeks, and sectioned for 28 days.

    By Stewart Bint

    Please don’t make the same mistake I did. I thought I could fight panic attacks myself. After all, they were all in my mind, weren’t they? Couldn’t hurt me.  

    During those early days of my condition, I felt as if I were in an ocean.  Some days I was calm, serene, and floating. Other days I was panicking, anxious, and drowning.

    Looking back, I can see they were all the classic symptoms of anxiety and panic attacks,  but things were different in those days of more than quarter of a century ago.  Poor mental health was the skeleton in the cupboard back then, particularly for men. Taboo. Unmentionable. So I brushed it under the carpet. Again, and again, and again, where it festered. Until the bulge grew into depression and full-blown psychosis, and burst through the weakened fabric of my mind, and I was seriously torn and damaged. 

    My counsellor originally admitted me to a Priory psychiatric clinic as a voluntary patient for stress and depression brought on by a year of neglecting constant anxiety and regular panic attacks. 

    Initially, things got worse, and I was duly sectioned for 28 days.  But because of the severity of my condition and my increasingly bizarre behaviour I was also “specialed,” meaning a nurse was assigned to never be more than a few feet from me, around the clock.

    To this day I have no memory of those first 14 days or so of being sectioned. When the fog did start to lift I demanded to be taken home immediately. The doctors had to explain again about me being sectioned and what it meant, as I could not remember having been told.

    My family wondered if I’d ever leave hospital. But I managed to rebuild my life from those dark days, and today I’m a successful novelist and magazine columnist, and  retired a couple of years ago from my role as global Public Relations specialist for one of the world’s leading hi-tech industrial software developers.

    So, how did I come through it? How did a tiny spec of light gradually dispel the darkness?   

    Three aspects helped put it in the past. First: Acknowledging I had a problem, and seeking help. Second: Drawing up coping strategies. Third: There’s an old saying: “Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person how to fish and they feed themselves for life.” The same is true of constantly implementing these strategies until they become second nature. 

    Daily sessions were held with a senior psychiatrist, and gradually the anxiety and panic was held in check. I was developing the weapons to fight the anxiety, the depression, the psychosis, and overthrow the waves of bad, negative thoughts that had been invading my mind for so long.

    Before my diagnosis I’d been an overly ambitious perfectionist, keen to please everyone and get everything absolutely spot on, and I’d become increasingly anxious that my work wasn’t going to be perfect.

    But I started learning how to create effective coping strategies that actually changed my whole outlook on life. No longer did I wake up every morning and immediately curl up in a ball, cursing the fact that I was alive. I woke up looking forward to what the day would bring and taking another small, tottering step towards getting my life back.

    During my treatment it was found I had repressed bad memories from my childhood. It was also discovered I had an inferiority complex. All that had combined subconsciously to bring on anxiety and powerful panic attacks. With all that out in the open, I was on the way to recovery. And once I was discharged, my coping strategy became all about casting off the things I no longer needed in my life, including corporate success and the stress that comes with it. I returned to my first love of writing, and became a novelist and have my own column in a local monthly magazine.

    To me, coping strategies are highly personal, and you need one for every situation that can cause difficulty. For example, I realised that if I were to continue seeking perfection in my work and myself, I was destined to fail, and in all probability would face an even longer spell as a hospital in-patient.  So my coping strategy for that was to accept compromise, both from myself and other people.

    Whenever a deadline approaches I ask myself what is the worst that can happen if I don’t meet it? Occasionally I have needed to burn the midnight oil, but in the olden days it was a daily occurrence. Now when I miss deadlines no-one worries. Least of all me. No anxiety. No panic attacks. 

    In total, I was in the clinic for around ten weeks before being discharged into a care-in-the-community programme. Apart from one minor relapse, the coping strategies I learned during that time have been successful, and I’m grateful to have been able to rebuild my life with new, stronger, firmer foundations.

    I’ll end as I began – please don’t make the same mistake I did. Seek professional help to overcome anxiety and panic attacks. Control them. Don’t let them control you.